Although around 26% of pregnancies result in miscarriage, that doesn’t make each individual experience any less heartbreaking. Life after a miscarriage can be a mixed bag of emotions in the first few months after it happens. You may feel fine for a bit, then get washed over with waves of grief, guilt, and sadness.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- Tips for Coping With Emotions on the Due Date After a Miscarriage
- How to Celebrate or Remember on the Due Date After a Miscarriage
- How to Help a Loved One Cope or Remember Their Loss on the Due Date After Their Miscarriage
If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, you may have found that certain things are now triggering, like seeing a pregnant person or someone with a baby walking around, certain topics of conversation, and important days—like your original due date.
Hitting your due date after a miscarriage is a reminder of the recent loss you experienced, and the hopes you had for your future family.
Whether it was you or a loved one that experienced the miscarriage, you’re not alone. We’re here to give you some advice on how to navigate this tricky day.
Tips for Coping With Emotions on the Due Date After a Miscarriage
Coping with a miscarriage can be full of ups and downs. The downs may feel especially potent on days like your original due date. You don’t have to struggle through this day. There are ways to support yourself and make this day easier for you.
We’ve got some tips for you on coping with emotions on your due date after a miscarriage:
Surround yourself with support
Community is a balm for an aching soul. The people closest to us can hold us up and make life easier on the days that seem too difficult to handle.
Let your chosen community know that you’re going to be needing some extra support on your original due date. It might not be on their radar, but with a little reminder, they’ll be there to give you what you need.
You deserve all the support you can get on this day. What does support look like for you?
- Time with friends
- An outing with your partner
- A cozy gathering with family
- Going to a grief support group
- Touching in with online miscarriage community you may have
You might make plans and then realize that’s not what you need that day, or feel overwhelmed at the thought of socializing. Keep it low pressure, and let your loved ones know that you might need to change your plans if you’re not feeling up to it.
Prioritize yourself
This day is about you. How can you make it easier on yourself? Prioritizing yourself means doing what you can to make sure you’re able to focus on your needs.
Can you take a sick day or vacation day? If you have other kids, can someone else watch them or pick them up from school? Is there someone who can walk your dogs for you, or can you pay for a dog walker?
Can you put off those chores and errands for just one day? Better yet, can someone else do them for you? Outside of taking care of everyday tasks and to-do lists, how can you prioritize your self-care so that this day can be full of nourishment and fulfillment?
Here are some ideas:
- Get a massage or another form of bodyworkーyou’d be amazing at just how much our bodies hold, and what can be released from a nurturing touch.
- Spend time in nature. Do you like to hike? Swim? Just sit outside at a park or by a body of water?
- Have your favorite meal. Comfort foods nourish the body and soul.
- Take a warm bath. Sometimes we just need to sit with our feelings in the quiet comfort of warm water.
- Practice journaling. You may feel a lot better by getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper.
Prioritizing yourself might just mean taking a bit of extra time during the day for you to reflect and be away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Go to therapy
If you have a mental health practitioner that you already go to and trust, it might be a good idea to make an appointment ahead of time so you’re there on your intended due date.
It’s nearly impossible to anticipate just what kinds of emotions will come up. Having this appointment already set will give you the peace of mind of knowing that you’ll have someone to go to whom you can process these feelings with.
Are you looking for a provider that specializes in pregnancy loss? Psychology Today is a great resource for finding someone in your area who has experience in reproductive health issues and loss, and accepts your insurance.
How to Celebrate or Remember on the Due Date After a Miscarriage
Often one of the best ways to navigate grief is through remembrance and celebration. Here are some ideas on how to do that:
Plan a miscarriage memorial
If honoring your lost little one feels like the right step for you, you can plan a day of remembrance and celebration.
Your original due date is a great day to plan a miscarriage memorial on. This will help you get some sort of closure and ensure you get the support you need on the day.
Looking for some miscarriage memorial ideas? Here are some quick tips:
Pick your setting
Would it feel best for you to be at home, at a park, in a restaurant, or somewhere else?
Pick a location that feels easy to manage, it doesn’t have to be anywhere extravagant. Someplace where you feel comfortable and nurtured.
Choose who will be there
A miscarriage memorial can be as big or as small as feels comfortable for you. You might want friends and family there, just you and your partner, a best friend, or a parent.
Whoever you invite should be people that you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to. People who you can be yourself in front of, no matter what you’re feeling.
Decide what you’ll do
Do you want to do special activities to remember the loss of your baby? This could be planting a tree or garden, making music with your loved ones, or having guests make remembrance stones for a little memorial area.
Create a miscarriage memory box
A miscarriage memory box is a box of sentimental items that you can look at when you’re wanting to feel connected to the baby you lost.
These are some common things people put in their memorial boxes after a miscarriage:
- Pictures of ultrasounds or sonograms
- Baby shower cards
- A lock of hair and hand or footprints from your baby
- Baby clothes, blankets, toys
- Swaddling blanket
- Maternity photos
- A list of baby names
- Write a letter to your baby
There’s no right or wrong way to make a miscarriage memory box. Make it unique to you.
Putting together a miscarriage memory box can be a therapeutic process, even if you never look in it again.
You might keep this box in a closet, bury it in your yard like a time capsule, or display it on an altar.
How to Help a Loved One Cope or Remember Their Loss on the Due Date After Their Miscarriage
It can be heartbreaking to see a loved one struggling after a miscarriage. You know that certain days, like their original due date, can be especially difficult for them. We know you’re looking out for them and wanting to support them on their hardest days.
Here are some ways to help your loved one cope on the due date after their miscarriage:
Plan a special day for them
Planning a special day lets them know that you’re thinking of them and they’re not alone. It takes the pressure off them to figure out a way to cope with the feelings that may come up on their original due date.
A special day could include going somewhere they’ve been wanting to visit, taking them for a nice meal, or just lounging around together.
There is a chance that your loved one might just want to spend the day by themselves, or that they don’t know what they want to do on their due date.
Ask them what they need
While they may not be able to give you a straightforward answer, ask your loved one what they need.
They might want some alone time, they might want to be distracted, or they might want to do something that helps them remember their baby.
Depending on what kind of person they are, they may want to plan their own day, or for you to take initiative.
Be patient and understand that they might not quite know what they need, and that their needs might change.
Getting Through Your Due Date After a Miscarriage
Your due date after a miscarriage may be one of the most difficult days of this experience. You may feel a whirlwind of emotions, or you might be totally fine.
Although this day might be intense, it will get easier after this.
Do what you can to take care of yourself and celebrate and honor your baby if that feels right for you. You deserve all the rest, the community, the support, and the celebration your heart desires.
Sources:
- Dugas, Carla, and Valori H Slane. “Miscarriage.” Stat Pearls Publishing, 29 January 2021, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.