Every year, people all around the world make New Year's resolutions. When a person makes a New Year’s resolution, they are resolving to improve their lives, like giving up a bad habit or changing an unhealthy pattern of behavior.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- Funny New Year’s Resolutions for Kids
- Funny New Year’s Resolutions for Adults
- Funny New Year’s Resolutions for Senior Citizens
- Funny New Year’s Resolutions for Your Dog, Cat, or Other Pet
While it’s evident that traditions similar to present-day New Year’s resolutions have existed for millennia, it can still be tricky to come up with the perfect resolution. A lot of people commit to challenging tasks, like losing weight or getting a promotion. But New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be so serious. Here are some ideas for fun, lighthearted resolutions for you to strive for next year.
Funny New Year’s Resolutions for Kids
Unlike adults, kids don’t usually have a lifetime of bad habits to break. As a result, resolutions aren’t often a priority for them. Here are some resolutions that we wish our kids would make.
1. I won’t give myself unsanctioned haircuts
Parents, your kids will need your help with this one. Children are not known for their impulse control. This means you need to hide any implements your kids might use in their quest to make themselves bald.
Keep your beard trimmers and your scissors far out of reach of your kids at all times. A lockbox honestly isn’t overkill.
2. I’ll color on paper and not on the walls
Your toddler may think he’s the next Banksy, but your landlord will likely not appreciate abstract Crayola murals on the walls. Resolve to help your aspiring graffiti artist out by investing in fun coloring books.
Alternatively, you can get black and white mural wallpaper that kids can color on and personalize. Just make sure they’re old enough to know those are the only walls they’re allowed to draw on.
3. I’ll try to eat the occasional vegetable without bribery or cajoling
If we let kids eat whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, they’d probably be orange from all the Cheeto dust surrounding them. Our kids need a well-balanced meal though, so help your kid out by serving them veggies you think they’ll like.
Have a super picky eater on your hands? You can always start hiding vegetables in your kids’ food. Spinach brownies are deceptively delicious.
4. I’ll sleep in my bed all night
Every parent dreams of the night they can sleep until morning without a small child invading their bed and kicking them all night. Improve your odds of experiencing a bruise-free night by making your child’s room a welcoming and soothing sanctuary.
5. I’ll stop making my parents read me the same book every night
Dr. Seuss is a master of children’s literature. But no parent wants to read Green Eggs and Ham 372 nights in a row. Pick out some other books to buy that might capture the attention of your kid and their one-track mind.
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Funny New Year’s Resolutions for Adults
Certain New Year’s resolutions have become a cliché. Every year we vow to lose some weight and get into a relationship (or improve an existing one). It’s time to think outside the box with these less-obvious resolution ideas, some of which are downright silly.
6. I will love myself as much as Lizzo loves herself
Singer and rapper Lizzo burst onto the international stage this year with her witty songs, sense of humor, and body positivity endearing her to the world.
She would be the first person to tell you that you’re an amazing person who deserves to be loved for who you are. Prove her right by loving yourself unconditionally.
7. I will pick fewer internet fights
It’s easy to get mad at people on the internet, especially when their views are diametrically opposed to your own. Sometimes having a heated debate is fine if you think the person you’re arguing with may see your point.
Even if they’re recalcitrant, someone else may be following your conversation and rethink their positions. But sometimes self-care dictates that we stay away from fights we know we can’t win.
8. I vow to communicate exclusively in memes
There truly is a meme for every occasion. Many married couples spend their days sending memes back and forth (ask us how we know).
Commit to only communicating with people via memes, at least until they catch on and ask you what’s up. It might take longer for people to catch on than you would think.
9. I will finish all the DIY projects I started and abandoned in 2019. Or, well, maybe just one of them
So you watched too much HGTV and overestimated your own ability to upgrade your living space. Now you have a patchy paint job in the living room, a half-finished tile backsplash in the bathroom, and somehow you no longer have upper kitchen cabinets. Before taking on new resolutions, see about addressing incomplete ones from this year.
10. I will be unashamed about the fact that I’m wearing pajamas in public
The athleisure wear trend makes it easier than ever to dress in yoga pants or leggings and pretend like you plan on hitting the gym after you run errands.
Meanwhile, everyone knows you wouldn’t run unless a bear was chasing you. It’s okay to wear leggings just because they’re comfortable. This is a judgment-free zone.
Funny New Year’s Resolutions for Senior Citizens
Just because you’re older, it doesn’t mean you should give up on planning for the future. In fact, that can help you feel younger and put you in a better mindset. Here are some New Year’s resolution ideas that can help a senior citizen live their best life.
11. I resolve to learn how to play videogames
Want to bond with your grandchildren? Ask them to help you learn their favorite video games. Not only will it give you a connection with them, it can help engage your brain and improve your hand-eye coordination.
12. I will eat dessert first
If you’re in otherwise good health, there’s nothing wrong with having a sweet treat ahead of - or in lieu of - dinner. Life is short: enjoy yourself while you can.
13. I will make more friends
As we reach our golden years, our friends may sadly may not always survive as long as we do. Our children and grandchildren can also become preoccupied with their own lives. As a result, elderly people can often feel isolated and alone.
Making new friends can be scary, but it’s completely possible. If you have a hobby you enjoy like woodworking or playing chess look for others who share those interests. Join a club or take a class where you might meet people with similar interests. You can even do like the millennials and make friends online.
14. I will not act my age
Society seems to have a lot of rules about what aging should look like. Older women are supposed to cut their hair short and get it set into curls once a week. Older men start wearing short-sleeved polyester-blend button-down shirts.
Everyone, regardless of gender, wears safe neutral colors. You don’t have to dress like your grandparents did, though. If you like having long hair, leave it long. If you’ve always wanted a tattoo, get one. If you’re of retirement age, you’re the only one who has a say in what you “should” look like.
15. I resolve to surprise my family
Sometimes our families get used to us acting a certain way. Remind them that you’re never too old to surprise them. Learn how to rap. Begin texting them memes. Take a jazz class. Contrary to popular belief, old dogs can learn new tricks.
Funny New Year’s Resolutions for Your Dog, Cat, or Other Pet
New Year’s resolutions: they’re not just for humans anymore. If your pets could talk, they would likely communicate these resolutions to you.
16. I will become an internet celebrity
Pets like JiffPom the Pomeranian, Juniper the Fox, and Pumpkin the Racoon boast Instagram followings most humans could never achieve. The late great Grumpy Cat and the recently deceased Lil Bub (RIP) were two cool cats who raised awareness of pets with medical issues.
Your pet knows they could be famous too - the only thing that’s holding them back is a lack of opposable thumbs. It’s your responsibility to help them out by photographing and writing captions on their behalf.
17. I will take my human on more walks
Your dog knows you’re going to resolve to lose weight, just like you do everywhere. When they bring their leash to you and look at you with hopeful eyes, take them outside. They only have your best interests at heart.
18. I will eat more
Your cat knows you’ve joined the “This cat is C H O N K Y” Facebook page. She sees you commenting about how much you like this one “absolute unit” of a cat. You only have yourself to blame when she wakes you up sixteen times a night asking for food.
19. I will learn how to change the TV channels
Your pet knows you’re just trying to be nice when you leave Animal Planet on to keep them company when you go to work. But they’re stressed out by all those other animals on the TV screen. They would prefer if you would change it to Bravo instead, as they enjoy the Real Housewives franchise. Lisa Vanderpump would never expect them to watch Animal Planet all day.
20. I will finally catch and destroy that bird
You might think your dog is barking at nothing. You may think your cat runs into the sliding glass door because he’s a little dumb. What you don’t know is that birds, the scourge of the skies, are taunting your pets. That’s their story, and they’re sticking to it.
Lighthearted Ways to Kick Off the New Year
New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be so serious. While it’s not an inherently bad thing to want to improve your life, you’re never going to accomplish change if it feels like a grim slog. This year, let yourself be a little silly when you make your resolutions. You might be surprised how much easier it is to check lighthearted items off your to-do list.