One topic that often gets overlooked in life is loss and the feelings that come with that. Although people don’t always associate it with grief, pregnancy loss can bring on those feelings.
Jump ahead to these sections:
A miscarriage is a pregnancy loss that occurs before twenty weeks gestation, occurring in an estimated twenty-six percent of all pregnancies. Sometimes people don’t even realize that they’re pregnant before they miscarry, but for those that do, they’re left having to heal a wound that opened up.
One thing that can make a world of difference when you’re healing from a loss is having a support group of people around you. Still, it’s common to feel alone, or you may not have people to lean on. If you’re going through a miscarriage alone, know that you will get through this. This process will be that much easier with a set of tools to help you cope.
Is It Normal to Feel Alone After a Miscarriage?
One of the most common feelings for people experiencing grief is feeling alone or isolated. Coping with a miscarriage is no different. Some of the most common feelings after a miscarriage are shame, sadness, anxiety, grief, and, unfortunately, isolation.
You might feel alone because you don’t feel like you can relate to anyone in your life right now or because you don’t have anyone to talk to or lean on. You might be single, in a relationship, or in a city far away from your loved ones. No matter the circumstances, no one deserves to feel alone during such a difficult time.
Although it may be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, know that you’re not alone. You will get through this and find the support system you need, no matter how small it is.
Tips for Feeling or Being Alone After a Miscarriage
While some feelings of being alone might be inevitable after a miscarriage, there are plenty of ways that you can help support yourself so that you feel less alone. It can be overwhelming to have all these ideas thrown at you, so take your time and do what you can. Little by little, you’ll start to feel better.
Here are our top tips to help with loneliness after a miscarriage.
1. Ask for help
It may seem obvious, but asking for help can sometimes feel challenging, especially when you need it most. It may feel difficult to get everyday tasks done, or you may need a hug or someone to talk to. People may think that you want your space or don’t know how to support you. These are all reasons why it’s so important to ask for help.
Still, that can be easier said than done. Wondering how to ask for help after a miscarriage? Try these tips:
- Be clear about what kind of help you need: Most people don’t read minds. Your loved ones might not know how they can help you.
- Put yourself out there: It can be difficult to make that leap and admit you need help, but you have to do it sometime. So instead of fighting with yourself, just put yourself out there and ask for the help you need.
- Drop the shame: There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. You just have to do it. One thing that holds people back from asking for help is feeling ashamed or like they’re burdening the people around them.
You deserve help!
2. Practice self care
Self-care is like a lotion for the soul. It helps you become grounded, feel nurtured, relax, and makes everything else that much more manageable. Self-care can also help decrease feelings of loneliness by making you feel better overall.
Whether self-care is new to you or you’re a pro, sometimes we all need a little inspiration. Here are some self-care practices to get you started:
- Rest: This one often gets overlooked, but resting even for five minutes can give you the boost you need to carry on. We love a long afternoon nap!
- Nourish your body: Your body's healing from the miscarriage. You can help support it by getting a massage, acupuncture, taking a bath, and eating hearty and nutritious meals.
- Enjoy your hobbies: It can be hard to want to create or do anything when you’re feeling alone. But the things that make you happy can help fill the emptiness you might be feeling. What hobbies fill you up? It could be reading, drawing, playing music, gardening, anything!
While self-care practices are beneficial when feeling alone after a miscarriage, it’s also ok to just be. Only do these things if they feel right, instead of adding more pressure to your life.
3. Join a support group
Even if you have incredible people around you, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only person who knows what you’re going through right now. But you’re not.
It’s heartbreaking how common miscarriages are, but it also means that many people before you have been in your shoes. Many resources are available for people who have experienced pregnancy loss to connect and support each other.
If you want to find some community, try joining a support group. There are many miscarriage support groups in person and online. You never know who you’ll connect with. You may feel a little less alone for a bit, or you may just meet a friend for life.
4. Witness stories
Again, while it may feel like you’re all alone, plenty of other people have experienced pregnancy loss. Even though it’s pretty common, each person’s story is unique to them.
Humans are storytellers. That’s how we learn, share information, and connect. Being able to witness stories of other people’s experiences with miscarriage can help you feel less alone. Storytelling has changed a lot thanks to the internet and social media. Now you can find endless personal stories on miscarriage right at your fingertips.
Simply searching “miscarriage” or “pregnancy loss” online or through social media hashtags will bring up endless stories. Each one is as special as the next. It’s not just hearing other people’s stories that can help you; you may find some healing in telling your own as well.
5. Take a break
Life can be hard, and we often don't take the breaks we need. If you're feeling alone after a miscarriage, it may be time to take a break. This could look many different ways.
Maybe you need to take a leave of absence or a week off work, or perhaps you might need to take a break from social engagements because you feel isolated in your usual circle. Whatever the case may be, you should never hesitate to do what you think is suitable for your healing, even if it's crawling up in a ball in the middle of the day and just laying there for an hour.
No matter the medium, please give yourself a break. It may just help you feel less alone.
6. Give yourself time
Grief has no timeline. Healing isn’t linear. Everyone heals on their own time, so be sure to give yourself all the time you need.
It may feel really difficult to connect with people right now, that’s understandable. Know that your emotions might swing back and forth. One day you might feel great, while the next, you might feel overwhelmed and unsure how to carry on. Give yourself the time you need to heal and start feeling somewhat normal again.
Give yourself the gift of time and spaciousness. This kind of gentleness can take some of the pressure off that you may be experiencing and help you feel a little less alone.
7. Build community
The antidote to loneliness is community. Humans are social beings. We depend on each other for resources, security, connection, companionship, support, healing, and so much more. It can be hard to heal from significant losses when we feel disconnected from that.
It might feel out of the question to build a community while you’re in the middle of grieving, but hear us out. There are so many examples of people who have taken a difficult situation and turned it around into something inspiring.
How do you build a community around miscarriage? You might build a group through social media or create one in your city. Maybe you build an online platform discussing your experience with miscarriage and create a community from there. Use your imagination; there are so many possibilities!
8. Seek professional support
Another great way to help you feel less alone after a miscarriage is to seek professional support. A professional is somebody who is trained and skilled in helping you navigate the heavy emotions you’re feeling.
What kind of professional support should you seek out? Here are some options:
- Mental health provider: A psychologist or counselor is trained in supporting your mental health by listening to you and giving you practical tools to help you navigate your emotions. You can find a provider that specializes in pregnancy loss and takes your insurance by using Psychology Today.
- Holistic health provider: A holistic health provider uses natural remedies to help heal the body, mind, and soul. Some providers you may seek are acupuncturists, massage therapists and bodyworkers, and naturopathic doctors.
- Doulas: A doula is someone who is there to provide support through life’s biggest transitions, including birth and pregnancy loss. While doulas are not mental health or medical providers, they can be a great support system and help you find further resources if need be.
Sometimes it’s easier to have an objective opinion. This is one of the many benefits of hiring an outside support person.
After A Miscarriage: You’re Not Alone
Whatever you’re feeling is normal, it’s understandable, and it’s not forever. Miscarriages can be heartbreaking and earth-shattering, and while it might feel like it’s the end of the world, it’s not.
Hopefully, this piece gave you some insight into what kind of support you have around you and helped you feel less alone. You’re not alone. There are so many people who not only understand what you’re going through but want to help you through this. Put these tips into practice, and you will feel better little by little.
Never forget this one simple fact: you will get through this.
Source:
- Dugas, Carla, and Valori H Slane. “Miscarriage.” Stat Pearls Publishing, 29 January 2021, Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.