There are a lot of cliches used in times of grief. One of the most common is ‘it’s their loss.’ This is a way to say that the individual doesn’t need to feel sad or down because this event isn’t a reflection on them.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- It’s It Ok to Say ‘It’s Their Loss?’
- How to Say ‘It’s Their Loss’ to a Close Friend
- How to Say ‘It’s Their Loss’ to a Family Member
- How to Say ‘It’s Their Loss’ to an Acquaintance or Colleague
After going through a loss, whether it’s the loss of a relationship, job, or even the life of a loved one, you want to make sure you say the right thing. Saying you’re sorry for your loss is a great first step, but this alone isn’t always enough.
The words you use during a time of pain and crisis carry a lot of meaning. While there’s no such thing as the ‘perfect’ thing to say, you’ll want to tread carefully. In this guide, we’ll share 18 things you can say instead of ‘it’s their loss.’
It’s It Ok to Say ‘It’s Their Loss?’
First, let’s explore whether or not it’s okay to say ‘it’s their loss.’ This phrase is used to say that you think another person would have enjoyed something which they’ve chosen not to do.
For example, if your close friend experienced a breakup, you might say ‘it’s their loss’ to imply that her ex-partner is the one who truly suffers.
This phrase can help a grieving friend, but it’s not always the right thing to say. Losses come in all shapes and sizes. While ‘it’s their loss’ is fitting for breakups, it still isn’t always the most supportive way to be there for someone. It takes the focus away from your loved one, and this isn’t always what’s needed most.
When in doubt, it’s best to keep your support honed in on your loved one. Whether they’re in need of condolences or kindness, you can be there for them with these alternative phrases.
How to Say ‘It’s Their Loss’ to a Close Friend
When talking to a close friend, you want to make sure you’re there for them. If they recently experienced heartbreak in any of its many forms, show you’re on their side with these phrases.
1. “It’s okay to be sad right now.”
When we say ‘it’s their loss,’ we imply that they don’t need to be sad or express any sorrow about this event. In reality, expressing one’s emotions is an effective way to come out on the other side of grief. Let your friend know that it’s okay if they’re feeling down. You’re here with them.
2. “We’ll get through this together.”
If your friend is experiencing a loss, they likely feel very alone. Let them know that you’re here with them. You’ll get through this together, no matter how difficult it might seem.
3. “Is there anything you need?”
Actions speak louder than words. Show you mean business by offering to help. You might help with chores, calling friends, or even just delivering a warm meal. It’s our actions that really define who we are.
4. “Don’t lose hope.”
Life is full of conflict and change. It’s challenging, and it makes us feel like there’s no reason to keep pushing forward. Be your friend’s biggest cheerleader. Remind them that hope is out there, and they only need to take one step forward at a time.
5. “Time is the biggest healer.”
It’s easy to feel like you’re stuck in a rut after a loss. Days past and the feelings stay, so how do you find the brightness again? Time is really the only way to heal. Be there for your friend, and let them know you’re with them for the long haul.
6. “You’re so strong.”
When you say ‘it’s their loss,’ you focus on the external. By reminding your friend that they’re the strong one, they know they can get through whatever life throws their way.
Join Cake's monthly newsletter.
Learn all you need to know about end-of-life.
How to Say ‘It’s Their Loss’ to a Family Member
While it might sometimes be appropriate to say ‘it’s their loss’ to a family member, it’s better to keep the importance on them and their feelings. These phrases do just that.
7. “This is really hard. I’m here for you.”
Again, you can’t go wrong with being there for your loved one. Be understanding of their feelings and offer to help if you can.
8. “Do you need to talk about it?”
Sometimes your loved one just needs someone to listen. It’s easy to talk over those in pain and offer advice without actually hearing what they have to say. Offer yourself as a listening ear.
9. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
A common mistake when relating to someone who is going through something is to say we understand exactly how they feel. In reality, everyone experiences things differently. It’s okay to admit that you don’t understand.
10. “Thank you for sharing with me. It means a lot.”
If someone opens up to you, thank them. When close family speaks openly about their feelings and experience, that takes a lot of bravery. Let them know you appreciate this effort.
11. “I’m always in your corner.”
Instead of blindly saying that things will get better or that someone else is worse off, remind them that you’re always there for them. This is often the best support possible. Nobody wants to feel alone, especially in dark times.
12. “I’m proud of you.”
Another way to be supportive is to let them know you’re proud of them. Especially after a loss, it’s easy to feel down. Your family member might think your opinion on them has changed. Assure them you’re still proud of them.
How to Say ‘It’s Their Loss’ to an Acquaintance or Colleague
When talking to an acquaintance or colleague, it’s important to be careful with your words. Since you likely don’t know this person as well, you don’t want to cross any boundaries.
13. “Can I help you with X?”
If you work with this person, offering to help with a work-related task is a great way to help them heal. When going through a personal tragedy, it’s difficult to say focused at work. These small offers to help add up.
14. “My heart goes out to you.”
When you don’t know what else to say, just let them know that your heart is with them. Empathy is something everyone needs from time to time, no matter your relationship.
15. “That sounds really hard.”
Whether your acquaintance or colleague experienced a breakup, loss, or other tragedy, you can sympathize by acknowledging this struggle. Everyone simply wants to feel heard.
16. “You seem really strong.”
When life beats us down, it helps us to know that we’re keeping things together as best as possible. Reminding this individual that you think they’re strong is a good way to keep them putting their best foot forward no matter what.
17. “I’m so sorry.”
Though it sounds simple, it’s okay to say you’re sorry. Sometimes that’s the best thing you can do, especially if you don’t have a close relationship and want to avoid overstepping boundaries.
18. “I don’t know what to say.”
Last but not least, it’s okay to admit you don’t have the right words. If you don’t know what to say, it’s acceptable to be honest. This is a form of sympathy in itself. It’s always better to be honest and clear than to fall back on false, empty cliches.
The Language of Sympathy
The ways we express our sympathy in times of crisis aren’t always clear. There is no rulebook when it comes to staying kind, supportive, and helpful. Some situations aren’t black and white, and it’s not always to find the right words.
While saying ‘it’s their loss’ isn’t a bad thing, it’s important to be careful with your words. Like saying they’re in a better place, you’ll want to consider the real meaning behind what you say. It’s important to avoid cliches, false empathy, and having your message fall flat. When in doubt, these suggestions above are always a great option.