Communication is the key to any healthy relationship—-especially a marriage. You’re together for better and for worse, and when the “worse” comes around, talking it out is even more important.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- Step 1: What’s On Your Mind?
- Step 2: Journal About It
- Step 3: Be Compassionate
- Step 4: Show Gratitude
- Step 5: Consider Adding a Small Gift or a Card
- Step 6: Help Your Husband With a Loss
- Step 7: Look Towards the Future
- Step 8: Rewrite Your Draft
- Sample Letter to Your Husband During Hard Times
Whether you want to express your appreciation to your husband during a difficult period, or you’d like to talk out some concerns, writing a letter is a great option. But how do you go about writing a letter to your husband when times are tough?
Here are some steps, tips, and pointers to help you write a letter to the man in your life during difficult times.
Step 1: What’s On Your Mind?
First, determine what it is you want to convey with your letter to your husband. When you’re going through difficult times together, you might want to express how much you appreciate your husband for everything he does. Just that little boost of gratitude can let him know that you don’t take him for granted.
At the same time, going through tough times together can lead to a lack of communication. There might be some things that have been on your mind for the past few weeks, months, or even years, that you can express better on paper than verbally.
Pro-Tip: If you’re not completely sure what you want to express in your letter right away, that’s OK. As you go through the next few steps, you’ll have the opportunity to work out your thoughts and feelings even more.
Step 2: Journal About It
Before you write a letter addressed to your husband, it can be helpful to write a journal entry about him, instead.
Imagine you’re writing to yourself in the future, and you want to remind yourself what you love about your husband and what problems you’re facing together.
Alternatively, you can address your journal entry to yourself when you were a child, imagining you’re telling yourself what your future husband is like. Your entry doesn’t have to be pages long; a few hundred words (about half a page typed or one to two handwritten pages) is enough.
If you’re still facing writer’s block in writing a journal entry about your husband, try answering a few of these questions:
- How did life change for the better when you met your husband?
- How did things change for the better when you got married?
- What are the hardest situations you’ve gone through together?
- How did you handle those situations and support each other through them?
- What are the best times you’ve had together?
- How did being together make those good times even greater?
- What’s a strength your husband has that you appreciate the most?
- What’s one way in which you see your relationship growing even more?
Pro-Tip: Write like no one is reading! This is an exploratory exercise only. If it allows you to write more freely, consider throwing your journal entry away when you’re done.
Step 3: Be Compassionate
You’ve pictured the situation from your point of view (and maybe from the point of view of your past or future self). Now, it’s time to imagine yourself in your husband’s shoes.
What has this difficult time been like for him, as opposed to what it’s been like for you? Picturing things from your spouse’s point of view allows you to feel even more compassion for him and his experience. And compassion is one of the most important factors of your letter to your husband during difficult times.
Try to think of what your husband is going through and feeling on a daily basis, and what he would love to hear (or read) most. What is something you can write to him that will make his day?
Pro-Tip: Showing compassion doesn’t mean saying, “I know how you feel,” because often, you can’t know exactly how someone else feels. But you can think about who your husband is, as a person, and how he tends to react to situations, as well as what kinds of support he appreciates the most.
Step 4: Show Gratitude
In addition to compassion, gratitude is key to composing a letter to your husband during difficult times. Whether your entire letter is centered around saying, “Thank you for being there,” or you’re writing about some more complex emotions and events, gratitude should always be included.
Brainstorm a list of things you’re most grateful for when it comes to your husband. Those things can be as life-changing as supporting you in your career, or as everyday as taking the dog for a walk. It’s a good idea to start out your letter to your husband with gratitude, thanking him for something you truly appreciate.
Pro-Tip: While you’re on the topic of gratitude, consider keeping your list going to include everything you’re thankful for, in general. Those things might include fresh running water, the internet, dark chocolate, or anything you’re grateful for. As you’re creating your gratitude list, you might think of even more things you want to include in your letter to your husband, and it’s a worthwhile activity for your emotional wellbeing during difficult times, too.
Step 5: Consider Adding a Small Gift or a Card
Expressing yourself in words is always a challenge, even if you take the time to write those words down. You might find it easier to show how you feel if you include a small gift or a thoughtful card. A small gift might be something that makes your husband feel supported, like a cozy sweater or a gift card for a massage.
Even if you give your husband a gift or find a card that expresses how you feel, it’s still important to put your own words down on paper, too.
Pro-Tip: If you’re more comfortable with another type of creative expression, like drawing, painting, or music, you can put those skills to use (in addition to your written letter). Consider a picture that helps show how you feel or recording a musical piece dedicated to your husband.
Step 6: Help Your Husband With a Loss
As a couple, you go through hard times together. But you also experience tragedies that can make you feel isolated and alone. One of those events is the loss of a beloved family member, such as a parent.
If you’re supporting a spouse who’s lost a parent, writing a letter expressing your genuine feelings can be helpful for both of you. You might often feel at a loss for words when you try to offer sympathy and condolences. And it’s important to convey that you’re still there for him and that you’re in this together.
To write a letter to your husband who’s lost a parent, follow the steps listed here. If it’s been hard to talk about the loss in person, consider expressing what that’s like in the letter. Let your husband know that, even though his grief is his own, you’re there to help him through it.
Pro-Tip: Losing a parent-in-law can be difficult in its own right. You may have had a unique relationship with the person, and seeing a spouse in grief is never easy. It’s appropriate to express those feelings in your letter to your husband in a compassionate and understanding way.
Step 7: Look Towards the Future
During difficult times, it’s all too easy to focus and dwell on the past. When you’re composing a letter to your husband, either as a simple “thank you” or as a way to open up communication, it’s best to look towards the future, instead.
Although it might be helpful to mention ways you’ve coped together with similar difficult situations in the past, it’s always important to bring it back to your journey forward.
Pro-Tip: It’s OK if you don’t know, exactly, how you’re going to get through these difficult times. At the very least, change is inevitable, and the difficulties you’re facing now will pass or at least evolve. You can include in your letter simply that you’re looking forward to all of the times you’ll spend together in the years to come.
Step 8: Rewrite Your Draft
Finally, it’s time to look over what you’ve written and make any changes if you so choose. If you’re happy with your first draft, it’s perfectly fine to go with it and give it to your husband as-is. But chances are, upon reading through what you’ve written, you’ll think of something you want to add (or take out).
Pro-Tip: Your letter to your husband during difficult times doesn’t have to be a work of art. It can be short, and it can feature as many scratched-out words as necessary. Don’t worry about perfect penmanship, as long as your words are heartfelt and at least legible.
Sample Letter to Your Husband During Hard Times
The last few months have been so hard, but the 10 years we’ve been married have still been the best of my life.
You’ve supported me in everything I do, which is something I’ve never experienced before. Your amazing strength has held our family together when everything was falling apart. I think you’re stronger than you even know. And I hope that, whenever you need to, you know you can lean on me, too.
Together, and supporting each other, I know that we’ll get through this and be even better for it. I can’t wait for all the years we’ll spend growing old together.
There’s no one else I’d rather team up with to battle the hard times, and there’s no one I’d rather kick back and relax with when things are good.
I love you more each day we face the world together.
When to Write a Letter to Your Husband
Writing a letter to your husband during difficult times is a good way to boost communication in your marriage and support your spouse. But you don’t have to wait until hard times to start writing notes to your husband.
You can write a letter to your husband following the steps above at any time. Whether you just want to express how much you love your spouse, or you want to convey a more complicated message, a letter might be the perfect choice.