“We lost the baby.”
A simple heart-wrenching announcement like this can represent a devastating loss. Of pregnancies that are known, up to 20 percent end in miscarriage. It’s difficult to say how many end before women are aware they are pregnant. When it happens early, it may seem like a heavy period. Every known miscarriage can feel like a significant loss, and it’s a difficult moment to share with others.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- What Should You Consider Before You Announce a Miscarriage?
- 5 Tips for Announcing a Miscarriage
- 7 Miscarriage Announcement Wording Ideas
If you or a loved one have been through a miscarriage, take some time to cope before making the announcement. Here are a few things to consider and tips for making an announcement that works for you.
What Should You Consider Before You Announce a Miscarriage?
Many women and their families wait until after the 12-week mark to announce a pregnancy. While many more choose to share this news sooner, the advice to wait is often pushed aside. Unfortunately, grief can be difficult and misunderstood. As a result, many families tend to cope with painful loss in a cloud of silence. Without the public knowing, a miscarriage can become a ghost event.
Loss is never easy, and a miscarriage represents a loss of innocence and family growth. Also, many people are ignorant about showing compassion to a grieving person, and may do or say things that simply aren't helpful. But with so many making personal moments public on social media, sometimes a sad announcement of loss becomes part of the story.
Miscarriages come with many emotions, and the healing process can be more manageable with support from others. If you’re feeling distraught and without guidance, there are some books on miscarriage that may help fill that gap.
Regardless, there's no right or wrong answer, and you don't have to announce anything to the public if you aren't comfortable doing so. The bottom line is this: each person needs to do what seems right for them.
If you’re planning to announce your miscarriage, first understand what you should consider, how your story might be helpful to others, and some steps to take as you make your announcement.
Are you ready to respond to comments and questions?
It can be overwhelming, even if people mean well. You may get repeated questions and requests for an update on how you're doing. Or you may simply feel like all the comments are a lot to absorb at once. Maybe you won't ever be ready, but consider your timing and preparation before putting something out there.
It's OK to ask people to give you space after sharing your news. Just getting the word out may be all you have energy for at first.
How big was your pregnancy announcement?
If your social network is small or your announcement was low-key in the first place, you may not feel a need to post a public statement. It can seem unfinished in a way if you don't close this chapter with something public. But think about your closest circle first. If those people know, and that's who matters, your public announcement may or may not need to happen.
Telling your story may help someone else
Miscarriage is often shrouded in secrecy. If you hold back your pregnancy news and then miscarry, you can feel isolated. Consider the fact that many families cope with miscarriage in silence. Every individual willing to share their story in the open helps others feel less alone. If this gives you meaning, you may feel more purpose with your announcement.
5 Tips for Announcing a Miscarriage
Before you say anything about your miscarriage, some preparation can help. It’s OK to take some time before sharing any information. Once you feel ready to open up, here are a few tips to guide you along the way.
Tip #1: Tell those closest to you first
Tell the people closest to you in person or over the phone. If you feel like you can't get through the words, a text may be an easier way to start. It's private, and it may be easier to talk once you've gotten the main news out.
You may want the support of those closest to you before you make a public announcement. They can also get questions from others as the news spreads, so help them know how you want them to respond.
Tip #2: Decide how you want to share the news to your wider social circle
Once you've told your closest friends and family, think about how or if you want to share it beyond this group.
If you have just a handful of people that need to know, you may feel comfortable telling each one individually. For a larger group, consider using email or a social media announcement. There is no right or wrong way to do this, so weigh the importance of efficiency, privacy, and how you want to handle people's reactions.
Tip #3: Consider your response to messages or comments
If you share your news widely all at once, consider letting any reactions sit for a day or two before responding. Seeing replies or messages come in one by one may feel like an emotional tidal wave. You are not obligated to reply to any of them, especially if they seem insensitive or are full of advice you didn't ask for.
People all respond to grief differently, and not everyone is compassionate. Saying something like, "thanks for your concern, we're getting through it," is polite and doesn't necessarily invite more conversation.
Tip #4: Consider having a friend or family member share the news
Miscarriage is a complex and emotional experience. It may be hard to find the words or emotional strength to explain what's happened. It may be easier for a friend or family member to share the news with your closest circle of people first.
That may give you enough breathing room before you share it beyond your inner circle or on social media. Having someone willing to help with this step can give you some time and space to cope.
Tip #5: Keep your announcement simple
Share as much or as little information as you feel comfortable with. But know that keeping it simple is a good place to start. You don't need to share the entire story to get the main message across.
- Sharing it can make you feel vulnerable, more than you might expect.
- Your announcement may cause friends and loved ones to reach out and ask how you are. And even if you appreciate those moments of support, it may feel emotionally exhausting to be in contact with several people.
- You can always share more later if you're ready.
- You may get comments that seem insensitive or unkind. Some people may also give unsolicited advice.
7 Miscarriage Announcement Wording Ideas
Sharing your miscarriage with a written announcement gives you a chance to plan your message. While it may still be an emotional moment to send your words out into the open, you don’t have to come up with something on the spot. Here are a few ideas and things to keep in mind.
For a mail, email, or social media announcement
Since many social media posts include images, you may want to include a meaningful picture. It doesn't have to be related to your pregnancy, but images catch people's attention more easily on social media. A miscarriage poem would also be an appropriate image to share.
- "We are heartbroken to share that we are no longer expecting the birth of our baby. He/she was lost in a miscarriage on (date). Thank you for your care and concern. We need some time and space, but welcome personal cards or notes sent to (this address)."
- "We hoped to share the happy news of our baby's birth soon. Instead, we lost our son/daughter to miscarriage on (date). We want to honor him/her openly, so please feel free to talk about him/her with us. Thanks to all your love and care as we grieve our beloved child."
- "We sadly announce that my(name) pregnancy ended in miscarriage on (date). Our son/daughter has passed away, but they will always be a treasure in our hearts. If you want to reach out to us, please contact (name) first. We need some privacy right now, but appreciate your love and concern."
To say in person
It's easy to get emotional when you're trying to get painful words out. To make that moment easier, plan on one short sentence that gets right to the point. Practice it on your own, with your partner, or a loved one who already knows. You can always share more details if you want to or feel ready.
- "I had a miscarriage last week."
- "We lost the baby. We found out it was a miscarriage."
- "(Name) and I just went through a miscarriage last month."
- "Something happened with my pregnancy, and I miscarried/my baby passed away."
Announcing Your Miscarriage: Sharing Heartache
It’s hard to acknowledge a miscarriage. Not only has a life ended, but so have dreams and hopes for a new family member. You may feel vulnerable and hurt, but sharing the weight of your grief can make it easier to carry. Make the announcement that fits for you and allow your loved ones to share your pain.
Sources:
- Ciulac, Andreea. “How to share news of a miscarriage.” Chicago Tribune, 20 March 2017, chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-social-graces-miscarriage-family-0328-20170320-story.html.
- MayoClinic.org. “Miscarriage - Symptoms and causes,” 16 July 2019, mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/pregnancy-loss-miscarriage/symptoms-causes/syc-20354298.
- Scott, Kellie. “What to consider when announcing a pregnancy or miscarriage online.” 22 October 2018, abc.net.au/everyday/what-to-consider-when-sharing-a-pregnancy-or-miscarriage-online/10387272.