Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate and honor anyone who identifies as a mother. The path of pregnancy isn’t always an easy one and can come with road bumps and heartbreak.
Healing from a miscarriage takes time, and the path looks different for everyone. Certain things and days can feel triggering or extra emotional, like Mother’s Day. Feeling grief on Mother’s Day is understandable and normal after experiencing a miscarriage.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- What to Keep in Mind on Your First Mother’s Day After a Miscarriage
- How to Spend Mother’s Day After Experiencing a Miscarriage
- How Can You Comfort a Loved One on Mother’s Day After They Had a Miscarriage?
Whether or not you have other children, you still deserve to celebrate Mother’s day in any way that feels meaningful and supportive for you after having a miscarriage. Wondering what that might look like? Here are some ideas of things you can do on Mother’s Day.
What to Keep in Mind on Your First Mother’s Day After a Miscarriage
Miscarriages happen in about twenty-six percent of all pregnancies, but that doesn’t make them any easier when they do. The first Mother’s Day after a miscarriage can bring up all sorts of emotions from grief to anxiety, to guilt, and more. These are normal and understandable emotions, especially on a day like Mother’s Day.
There is no one right way to spend the day. Some people may want to honor and celebrate their experience, while others may need space to mourn and remember - or all of the above!
Some emotions may be unexpected or surprising, especially if you feel like you’ve made strides in your healing process. Remember that healing isn’t linear, and feeling grief or anxiety doesn’t mean you have taken a step backward in the process.
How to Spend Mother’s Day After Experiencing a Miscarriage
Again this is your day to celebrate and honor your journey. If you’re at a loss for ideas on what to do, you’ve come to the right place. There is no one way to spend Mother’s Day, especially if you are experiencing grief, sadness, or otherwise looking to spend time with those not in celebration. Here are six things to do on Mother’s Day after miscarriage.
1. Be in community
A community can look however you want and need it to. Maybe it’s spending time with your mother or family, close friends, or other people that make you feel comfortable and loved.
If you do decide to spend time with others, especially if it’s a Mother’s Day-type party like a brunch, be sure it’s people that you can be honest with about where you’re at. It’s best to spend time with people who you trust will be able to hold space for and comfort you if you’re feeling emotional.
There’s no need to put pressure on planning the perfect get-together. Even something as simple as a walk in nature or getting tea can be all the celebrating you need.
If you have other children, this could be a good time to talk to them about the many layers of grief. Show them how you can be excited to celebrate, while still be experiencing the nuances of grief and loss after a miscarriage.
2. Find a support group
If you’re not already in one, this would be a great time to find a pregnancy loss support group. While your experience is unique to you, the only people who truly know what you’re going through are those that have had similar ones.
Whether it’s virtual or in-person, these support groups can help you connect with other people who have had miscarriages, and let you lean on each other for support. It can be incredibly healing to hear other people’s stories, and bond over the unique experience of grief after a miscarriage.
These groups know how to say Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, whether they’ve lost a mother, a child, had a miscarriage, or have had difficulties conceiving.
3. Treat yourself
Mothers of all kinds deserve to be treated and celebrated on Mother’s Day - including you.
Today is your day to treat yourself, to feel luxurious and lavish, or just incredibly comfortable. Everyone has their definition of treating themself. What’s yours?
Here are some ideas for you to go off of:
- Eat your favorite meal. Whether it’s a home-cooked delicacy, takeout from your favorite restaurant, or going out to a fancy lunch, food is one of the best ways you can nourish your body and soul.
- Get a spa treatment. It could be a luxurious massage, a facial, or a relaxing foot massage. For people who enjoy the comforts of a spa, this is a great day to choose to treat yourself.
- Relax at home. Sometimes the best way to treat yourself is by simply doing nothing. This could look like taking a bath, watching an uplifting movie, playing with your pets, or just laying around doing nothing.
4. Spend time in nature
There’s nothing quite like the healing power of nature. The weather is usually beautiful in the Northern Hemisphere this time of year, so why not take in the clear skies and lush foliage. Take advantage of whatever nature spots are near you, whether it’s a trip to the beach, a dip in a lake or river, a scenic hike, or a picnic in a park.
You don’t have to leave your house to get your nature fix. Simply tending to your garden or houseplants can help you connect with the world around you.
5. Commemorate your loss
If you’re in a space to do so, Mother’s Day offers you the opportunity to commemorate your loss and celebrate your journey as a mother. This can look different for everyone. Some people may want to have a simple ceremony, plant a tree or flower in memory of their loss, or buy a miscarriage keepsake.
As confusing as it can feel, celebration and grief can go hand in hand. What feels like a meaningful way for you to honor both of these feelings?
6. Be easy on yourself
You might have certain expectations of how to feel or what to do on Mother’s Day after a miscarriage. Give yourself permission to take the pressure off, and know that there’s nothing you need to be doing.
Be easy on yourself by doing your favorite things, surround yourself with people who make you feel loved, and just do absolutely nothing. Being easy on yourself also means trying not to guilt yourself for any feelings that come up. It’s ok to feel grief and anxiety when you didn’t expect it. It’s also totally ok to not feel grief, and instead, feel gratitude and a sense of peace or celebration.
How Can You Comfort a Loved One on Mother’s Day After They Had a Miscarriage?
Comforting someone who had a miscarriage is especially important on Mother’s Day. However, it can be difficult to know just what to do. The fact that you’re reading this means that you are showing up for your loved one, which is the biggest and most important thing you can do.
1. Be present
Sometimes the biggest thing you can do for someone who has had a miscarriage is to just be present with them. This is especially true on Mother’s Day. Being present doesn’t just mean being with them in person.
If that’s not possible, you can always call them on the phone, video chat with them, or leave them a heartfelt message. If you’re at a loss for words, simply offering condolences for a miscarriage can help your loved one feel seen and heard.
2. Follow their lead
Your loved one might be totally up for celebrating Mother’s Day or may just want a distraction from the emotions they’re feeling.
You can bring them a small gift or surprise, but understand that any big plans may be triggering or bring up unexpected feelings. Be prepared to be flexible and follow their lead on what they need on this day.
3. Bring them a gift or treat
Bringing them a gift or treat like flowers, food, or a piece of jewelry lets them know that you see and honor their experience as a mother, even though they’ve had a miscarriage. Some delicious baked goods with a beautiful bouquet of tulips or lilies sends a message to your loved one that they are loved and cared for.
If you can’t bring it to them in person, you can always send them flowers or food just to let them know you’re thinking about them.
4. Be aware of potential triggers
It may be inevitable that certain feelings come up or that your loved one feels triggered. While it’s not your job or necessarily helpful to protect or shield them from them, being aware of them can help you in supporting your loved one after they’ve had a miscarriage.
You may want to have a conversation with them beforehand to see what may be helpful, or if there are things they want to avoid talking about or doing. Whether that’s making a conscious decision to not go to a Mother’s Day gathering, or staying close to home to avoid Mother’s Day decorations and celebrations.
Things You Can Do On Mother’s Day After Your Miscarriage
Mother’s Day after a miscarriage can bring up a mixed bag of emotions. You may not know what you need until the day comes.
You can help prepare yourself for whatever comes up by letting your loved ones know you will need extra support and giving yourself the time and space to do whatever your healing heart needs and desires.
- Dugas, Carla, and Valori H Slane. “Miscarriage.” Stat Pearls Publishing. January 2021, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK532992/.