When someone experiences a pregnancy loss, they often don’t get the support that they need. One of the most common feelings that people experience after a miscarriage or stillbirth is loneliness and isolation. They might not know how to reach out to people or get the support they need.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- Should You Send a Card or Gift After a Loved One Loses a Pregnancy?
- Pregnancy Loss Message Ideas
- Where Can You Find Pregnancy Loss Cards or ECards?
As their friend or family member, you might need to take the first step in letting them know that they’re not alone. Offering condolences for a miscarriage can be tricky, and you might not know the right words to say.
We’re here to offer some ideas and inspiration for what to say when writing pregnancy loss cards.
Should You Send a Card or Gift After a Loved One Loses a Pregnancy?
Whether you send a card or a gift after your loved one loses a pregnancy depends on the person and your relationship with them.
Gifts like a pregnancy loss care package or a collection of miscarriage keepsakes are may be great options for close friends or family members.
You can send a card, along with your gifts or on its own, for people you may not be as close with.
Pregnancy Loss Message Ideas
You might feel yourself walking on eggshells looking for the right thing to say to someone who experienced a pregnancy loss. You want to offer your support without potentially triggering or overwhelming them.
When offering your condolences, try to keep it short, sweet, and authentic. Let it come from the heart and personalize it for your loved one.
What to write in a card after a miscarriage
If you’re still unsure of what to say, that’s what we’re here for. Here are some ideas for what to write on a card after a miscarriage:
1. You’re not alone
Miscarriage can be an isolating experience. Your loved one may feel alone, or they might start to withdraw because they’re unsure how to let in the support they need. Letting them know that they’re not alone can speak volumes about the amount of support they actually have around them.
2. My heart is with you
Sometimes it’s hard to put into words just how much love you have to offer your grieving loved one. You could go on and on, but chances are, they don’t have the energy to receive that right now. A simple “My heart is with you” lets them know that they’re being held by their loved ones in the most subtle of ways.
3. Say the word and I’m there
It might be hard for your friend to ask for help right now. Letting them know that you’re there for them in any way they might need will mean the world to them. Inside the card, you can let them know they can give you a text or ring if they need some extra support and you’ll be there. Some things you can offer are:
- A hug
- A shoulder to cry on
- To pick up their groceries
- To walk their dog
- To bring them dinner
- To laugh on the couch with them
It’s the little things!
4. Miscarriage sucks
Humor is healing. If your loved one is a fan of blunt honesty and heartfelt laughs, this might be the right card for them.
Sometimes we get so caught up in “saying the right things” that we trip over our words. Miscarriage sucks. It’s a part of life, but it still sucks.
This kind of card cuts straight through the riff-raff and lets them know you’re there for them, and there to laugh at life’s ironies with them.
5. Sometimes life sucks—but we get through it together
A miscarriage is one of the most devastating things we can experience in life. You can let your loved one know that you’re going to be by their side, no matter how unpleasant the situation might be.
6. You’re in my thoughts and prayers
You can tweak this one depending on if your loved one is religious and if the word “prayers” means anything to them.
People need to be held after a loss, even if it’s just in someone’s thoughts and prayers. Let them know you’re doing just that.
7. Be gentle with yourself
Your loved one might feel like they need to rush back to work and socializing and the demands of everyday life. Remind them that they might need time to rest and recuperate, and that they deserve the grace of being gentle on themselves.
8. It’s OK to feel it all
It’s not uncommon to push down emotions or feel like you shouldn’t be feeling a certain way after a miscarriage. Let your loved one know that they can feel it all and then some. Sometimes we need a reminder to feel.
9. Sometimes there are no words
What to write in a card after a stillbirth
A stillbirth can bring on unbelievable amounts of grief. Although they might not be open about it, your loved one needs all the support that they can get right now. Sending a card is a great way to do that.
Here are some tips on what to write:
10. Forever loved and remembered
After a stillbirth, people are often left in the dust to grieve after the initial loss. They might have an influx of support in the first week or so, and then they feel forgotten.
This message helps let them know that their baby is loved and remembered in other people’s hearts. You can also send this card on a difficult day like, their original due date or the anniversary of the stillbirth.
11. Never forgotten
This is a similar sentiment to the last one. Their baby was loved. Their baby will be remembered.
12. You did all you could
One of the most common things people feel after they have a stillbirth is guilt.
They feel guilty that they should have done more or done something differently, even though these things are almost always out of their control.
Reminding them that they did all they could can help ease some of that guilt so they can move through other parts of the grieving process.
Some other ways of saying this include:
13. You did nothing wrong
14. You gave your baby all that you could
15. Some things are out of our control
16. I’m sorry, and I’m here for you
This is a classic way of giving your support to someone who is grieving. It’s simple: you're acknowledging their loss and experience, and you’re letting them know that you’re there to support them.
Some other ways of saying this include:
17. I’m so sorry for your loss
18. I’m sorry you have to go through this
19. Give yourself space to grieve
Oftentimes after a pregnancy loss, people forget that it’s OK to grieve. That grieving is a part of the healing process. Send your loved one a reminder that it’s OK and they deserve space to grieve.
20. Honor your feelings
Your loved one might try to repress emotions or distract themselves from their feelings. Remind them that whatever they’re feeling is OK, and they can and should honor their feelings.
What to write in a card after an abortion
Abortion is also a form of pregnancy loss, and everyone processes this experience differently. A lot of people don’t think to offer support after someone has an abortion, one of the reasons being a lot of people try to hide it when they have one. You can go the extra mile for your friend and let them know you’re thinking of them by sending a card.
Here are some ideas of what to say:
21. You listened to your needs
Something as simple as “You listened to your needs” or “You listened to yourself” can affirm that they made the right choice for themselves and their body.
22. Your body, your choice
This is a powerful affirmation in the reproductive health community that reminds people of the autonomy they have in the choices they make about their bodies.
Similarly, you can say:
23. You made the best choice for you
24. You honored your freedom of choice
25. Just checking in
Some people feel totally fine emotionally after an abortion, others may be filled with a combination of grief, guilt, and sadness.
No matter how your loved one is feeling, letting them know that you’re “just checking in” will remind them that people are there for them.
Where Can You Find Pregnancy Loss Cards or ECards?
While a handmade card is lovely, if you don’t have the time or the neatest handwriting, you can also buy a pre-made card to send to your loved one.
Some great places to find pregnancy loss cards are Etsy, where you can support small businesses, and Greeting Card Universe—and for e-cards, American Greetings.
Pregnancy Loss Cards: Speak From The Heart
Whether your loved one experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or abortion, any grief or processing they’re going through is valid.
The fact that you’re reading this means you care about them and their wellbeing and are looking for the best way to support them.
We said it before, but here’s another reminder: when writing a pregnancy loss card, let it come from the heart, be authentic, clear, short, and sweet.