Mourning takes different shapes and forms across the globe and human history. In our modern times, it’s common for people to wear black clothing as a sign of respect for the dead, but even this tradition is changing. Death in different cultures changes over time, often reflecting the nature of society. We can see this in our own recent history compared to years past.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- Victorian Morality
- How Long Is the Victorian Mourning Period?
- Victorian Mourning Customs
- Victorian Mourning Dress and Jewelry
- Victorian Mourning Etiquette
- Does Victorian Mourning Exist Today?
While different traditions around the world have their own specific process for grieving those who died, few are as strict or complex as the Victorian mourning period. The Victorian era in England bound people in the 19th century in clear rules and regulations around how to properly mourn a loved one. In this guide, we’ll take a closer look at Victorian mourning customs to explore how they compare to our modern practices.
The Victorian era was far from the progressive, open-minded time we live in today. The Victorian Era follows the reign of Queen Victoria from the years 1837-1901. Though this was a peaceful and prosperous time in England, social class was more important than ever.
The class structure of British society is hard for outsiders to understand. It divided people along greater lines than just income. Beyond royalty, upper, and lower classes, a family’s status was based on land ownership.
With the boom of the industrial revolution in the 19th century, trade and production flourished. For the first time, people had the ability to work their way up the social ladder. Meanwhile, the rich got richer.
With the wealthy finding themselves with greater free time, a new morality took hold of society. There was a focus on religious conformity, social codes, and sticking with the status quo. To act according to the typical social code was a way for the upper classes to keep their status.
Because of this, many lower classes followed along as well to give the appearance of high society. This emphasis on mortality was the driving force behind the mourning customs.
How Long Was the Victorian Mourning Period?
In the Victorian period, there were very strict time frames for mourning. During this time, people were expected to practice Victorian mourning customs, wear black, and act conservatively. The specific mourning period depends on your relationship with the deceased.
Widows were expected to mourn for the longest time period. They were to mourn for two years or more. To get married within that time frame was seen as disrespectful and was frowned upon. Because widows were expected to suffer the most from the loss of a spouse, they had the strictest mourning expectations.
For children mourning a parent or parents mourning children, the expected time for mourning was a year. The loss of a grandparent or sibling was up to six months, and the loss of an aunt or an uncle was two months. These mourning periods decreased depending on the relationship, and they created a clear expectation for society.
Victorian Mourning Customs
Many cultures use mourning customs to find peace and normalcy after the passing of a loved one. When you’re not sure what steps to take forward, having clear customs to follow simplifies this process and makes it easy to find the support you need.
In the Victorian period, these practices matched the strict social order of the time.
Covering mirrors is one of the Victorian mourning traditions that feel out of place today. At the time, this was simply the norm.
After a death in the home, family members covered all the mirrors. This was because mirrors were a gateway for spirits. By looking in the mirror, the living could be possessed by the deceased person’s spirit. This could lead to an untimely death.
Covering family portraits
Another tradition that was common at the time was the covering of family portraits or images of the deceased. Like mirrors, these were said to contain the spirits of the dead family member for a period of time.
If someone looks at a photo too long, they might find themselves possessed. Sheets and fabric were used as covers, and the family would do this quickly after a death.
Death portraits are an undeniably eerie relic of the Victorian era. With the rise of early photography in the 1800s, post-mortem photographs became a reality for families who could afford this service.
A post-mortem photograph is exactly what it sounds like. The family poses around the deceased, usually in a domestic setting. It was supposed to appear natural.
Parents pose with children, adults pose in their profession, or the entire family would pose together. Because photography was expensive, this was often the only photograph a family had of the deceased.
In Victorian England, it was women who dealt with mourning. This was a time when men were not encouraged to show feelings outwardly, so the role of grieving fell to women. As such, dolls came with “death kits.”
Little girls could essentially practice these Victorian death rituals with their doll, little coffins, and mourning clothes.
Like Charles Dickens’ fictional character Oliver Twist, there were professional mourners who prominent families hired to join the funeral service.
Families competed to have the largest and most well-attended funeral service in society. Professional mourners joined the grieving family to mourn quietly.
Black doorknob ties
Because friends and extended family were expected to visit the family after a death, a black crepe was tied to doorknobs as a symbol of mourning. A black crepe is an expensive silk that came to be known as the fabric of mourning.
When the family ties this silk to a doorknob, the community knows death made a visit. People would be quiet when entering to avoid reminding the family of life. The door might also be left open so people could enter without disturbing the grieving.
Friends watch over the dead
While it was common for family members to sit with loved ones until they pass, they weren’t to sit with the deceased. To sit with a deceased family member was seen as adding unnecessary grief to the surviving family member. Instead, a friend of the family of the deceased sits beside the deceased as a way to spare them from more grief.
Sitting vigil with the deceased isn’t only about grief. It wasn’t uncommon at this time for families to claim someone passed away too soon. Because it wasn’t always possible to access a doctor, families weren’t always certain whether their loved one was really dead.
Victorian Mourning Dress and Jewelry
Nowadays, it’s common for those who are in mourning to wear conservative, black dress. This is strikingly similar to the Victorian era when some people would wear this type of clothing for the remainder of their lives.
The Victorian mourning period for the surviving family of the deceased was marked by black clothing. This went beyond funeral attire.
For a widow, this time could last up to 4 years or longer. Many widows chose to wear black for the rest of their life as a sign of mourning. To wear normal clothes too soon was a sign of great disrespect or promiscuity.
However, people were also allowed to introduce color back into their wardrobe at “half-mourning.” This is when enough time has passed that the bereaved wears muted colors instead of black. Because it was common to have multiple family members pass away frequently, black was worn often.
Acting as a form of Memento Mori (a reminder of death), hair lockets reminded Victorian people of death on a daily basis.
Artists used the hair of the deceased to create lockets, shadow boxes, corsages, and even jewelry that were worn by mourners. While this might sound morbid now, it’s surprising just what can be accomplished with hair as a medium.
Mourning jewelry dates back to the Middle Ages when it was common to wear skull jewelry as a reminder of death. After the death of her beloved husband, Queen Victoria fell into a deep depression and took to wearing this type of mourning jewelry. Because she was the icon of her court, this trend quickly spread throughout England.
Instead of wearing jewelry with skulls and crossbones like in the Middle Ages, people wore brooches, rings, and necklaces with cherubs, clouds, urns, and willow trees. These softer, sentimental images not only showed the world that the wearer was in mourning, but they were a reminder of the lost loved one.
Victorian Mourning Etiquette
In the Victorian period, mourning was taken very seriously. Because death was a common part of life in these times, it was beneficial to have a straightforward method of mourning and experiencing grief. Not only does this bring families together, but it also is a way to honor those who are no longer here.
It was customary for families to go through all of these elaborate rituals as a way to show their grief after a passing. Elaborate funerals served a practical and symbolic purpose, and they were a way to flaunt one’s wealth and social status. By wearing mourning clothes and participating in mourning customs, the Victorian people expressed their inner grief on the outside.
Wear mourning clothing
First, Victorian men and women were expected to wear traditional mourning clothing. As explained above, this was all black. It’s a symbol of darkness and grief. Women would wear sophisticated mourning dresses, typically of silk for the wealthy and bombazine for others. Jewelry was expected to be kept to a minimum, and it had to be made of dark material.
Men had less restrictive expectations when it came to their mourning dress. They could continue to wear their fashionable dark suits and gloves. Similarly, young children were not expected to wear special mourning clothing. The majority of mourning traditions fell upon women at this time.
Wearing mourning clothes was so popular that specific shops catered to this need. Because mourners would need these clothes quickly, there were well-known retailers that specialized in every conceivable mourning item. Because it was seen as disrespectful to re-wear mourning clothing after the mourning period passed, these retailers had a lot of repeat customers.
The society of mourning
Aside from proper mourning attire, it’s also important for the grievers to avoid acting out of line within the eyes of society. When someone is deep in mourning, they aren’t able to go out into society. This means they can’t pay or receive visits with others. They also can’t be seen at any places of amusement, like theaters, musicals, or concerts.
After several months (usually six months to a year), the mourner can slowly begin to reenter society. This is sometimes called “half-mourning.” The mourner might wear purple or grey instead of black to symbolize their slow transition back into society. The older members of society were held to the strictest standards. By acting in accordance with mourning etiquette, everyone has the time and space to grieve.
Does Victorian Mourning Exist Today?
With such strict customs at the forefront of Victorian mourning etiquette, does this type of mourning still exist today? Though the majority of the western world doesn’t practice such strict rituals around the dead, we can still see remnants of this tradition today. For example:
- Black clothes: While more modern funerals encourage guests to wear any color, black mourning clothing is still the most appropriate for funerals today.
- Jewelry: Mourning jewelry is still very common, though it looks a bit different than it did in the past. Things like memorial diamonds, urn necklaces, and so on are gaining in popularity.
- Periods of mourning: Today, people are still expected to have a period of mourning. Though not as long, friends and family offer support at this time. It’s commonly known as bereavement leave in professional settings, but it can also appear structurally in different religions like sitting shiva in the Jewish faith.
Every culture across the globe has its own customs and ideas around death and dying. There is much we can learn about humanity and civilization throughout history by peering into these customs. Mourning is a universal experience that connects humans young and old. Though these Victorian practices might feel distant to us now, they were a natural evolution that turned into the traditions we know today.
Victorian England’s Obsession with Death
While it might seem like society in Victorian England was obsessed with death, that’s because it was. With the average lifespan under 50 years along with rampant disease and child mortality, death was a natural part of daily life. Nowadays, many people choose to distance themselves from death.
It might seem like these customs are bizarre by modern standards, there’s a lot we can learn from the Victorians. They weren’t afraid of grief and outwardly sharing their loss. This brought people together, and these customs helped people find comfort in knowing their death wouldn’t go unnoticed.
Because death was such a normal part of daily life, many Victorians took the time to plan for their own demise. Families took this seriously, and it eased much of the burden that comes along with planning a funeral. Start end-of-life planning to create your own legacy for friends and family.
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- Mendoza, Marilyn A. “Death and Mourning Practices in the Victorian Age.” Psychology Today. 8 December 2018. Psychologytoday.com.
- “Social Life in Victorian England.” University of Delaware: British Literature Wiki. Udel.edu.
- “Victorian Mourning Etiquette.” Falling Angels: Historical Background. Tchevalier.com.